This Is Home

We live in a culture that is always seeking more--more happiness, more income, more cures, more friends, more education. . .blah, blah, blah. This type of lifestyle results in an overwhelming sense of emptiness. It's a sick cycle--the more you have, the more you want. You never have enough; you're never completely satisfied. I'm no expert, but I do know that seeking to fill the void in your life with things that are seen will only temporarily satisfy your desire for more. Though I know this and recognize it as Truth, it is sometimes hard for me to live my life according to it. Over the past few months I have been struggling with the whole idea of having a "go-to person"--someone who I can always depend on. Someone that can offer encouragement when I'm feeling discouraged, as well as a smack in the face when I'm acting stupid. Right now I can't say that I have that person, and I find myself wallowing and wishing that I had that kind of a best friend. Do...

Yesterday I was part of an event created to bring awareness for World Aids Day. Everyone who participated was assigned a "time of death," after which we had to remain silent for the rest of the day. Honestly, I didn't think it would be that hard for me to refrain from talking, but boy was I wrong! It wasn't required, but I also made a commitment to fast from Facebook and texting after my "time of death." Left with no voice for 13 hours, I found myself overwhelmed with a sense of loneliness. You know that saying, "you never know what you have until it's gone?" Yeah...that pretty much sums up my experience yesterday. The silver lining: Though not being able to speak was sometimes frustrating, it gave me the opportunity to listen. Unfortunately, I think we sometimes forget how to practice the art of listening. Yesterday several friends of mine, knowing that I wasn't able to speak, sat on the couch in my room and talked about their days/how the...

Anyone who knows me also knows that I love people. Some would say that I am an introvert, but I beg to differ. Honestly, I'm not sure I fit into the introvert/extrovert categories. I am just myself. I love building meaningful relationships with people. I also love pouring into others--whether it is through a simple smile, a drink from McConn, or a word of encouragement--loving on people is my favorite pastime. Sometimes I am left in a state of awe when I reflect on the people that God has brought into my life. Some of those people are no longer a part of my life, some people send an occasional text or Facebook message, and some of those people are my closest friends. I am incredibly thankful for each and every one of these people. They have encouraged me, taught me, even hurt me... I'm thankful for the childhood friend that showed me just how blessed I was growing up. I may not have gotten everything that I wanted, but I surely had everything I needed. I am thankful for the fri...

The perfect way to start the day: Today was an adventure to say the least. We drove through the Blue Ridge Parkway, which goes through the Smoky Moutains--legit. Lindsey and I couldn't help but laugh at my mom's ridiculous fear of walking anywhere near the lookout views. She's funny. I touched the clouds. So cool. The only bad thing is that driving through the mountains took a little longer than we anticipated...the fear that we were going to die in the mountains and no one would find us for weeks ran through my mind a couple of times :P We got super lost, but we were FINALLY able to find our way to a little town in which we found a place to stay the night. It's kinda janky, but it doesn't have cockroaches and it has a bed--that's all that matters :P Tomorrow we awake at 6am to tackle the rest of our journey home. Oh, and I saw the ocean for the first time yesterday. (Well, I actually saw it when I was like 3, but I don't remember it, so it doesn't count...

700 miles. 5 states. 1 day. States covered: Indiana, Ohio, Kentucky, Tennessee, and North Carolina I love adventures such as these. It's even better because I convinced my mom to let my "sister," Lindsey, come with us :) The only bummer is that we are on a strict time constraint because of the fact that I must return to school on Monday. Although...dropping out may be an option?? Kidding, kidding. I do wish that we had more time to enjoy the trip a little more, but such is life. We are calling it a day and staying in a motel that has a...unique smell :P Funny story: As we were turning off the lights, my mom informed us that you are supposed to keep a light on when you stay in a motel. When I asked her why, she responded by saying that is was a precautionary measure--should there be a fire, we would be able to find our way out. Lindsey and I immediately burst out laughing because of the fact that it is HIGHLY unlikely that we would become so disoriented in a fire that we c...

The Buttercream Gang had some fun tonight... Ah, the joys of dorm life :)

Today marks 1,534 days without my dad. I miss him a lot today. Don't get me wrong--I always miss him, but some days are worse than others. Today is one of those days. I photographed a wedding yesterday, and the father-daughter dance brought me to tears. It was beautiful. The father, fighting back tears, was holding his daughter tightly as she cried into his shoulder. I often think about the fact that my dad will not be there to walk me down the aisle or dance with me at my wedding. It hurts. A lot. One of the material things that I cling to on days like these is an old and tattered blue flannel shirt. My dad loved flannel shirts. If you take one glance at this particular one, you would understand just how much he loved wearing it. It may seem silly, but when I wear it, it somehow makes me feel like a little part of him is still with me. It is definitely not "fashionable"--it's way too big, incredibly faded, and has a hole in it--but that doesn't bother me. So if ...

This is what my week has looked like: I should be working on my Social Policy project that is due tomorrow, yet here I am--sitting in the piazza avoiding my homework like it's the plague. My procrastination on this project will inevitably result in me locking myself in either my room or the library and getting very little sleep tonight, but such is the life of a college student :P Just about everyone on campus is feeling the end-of-semester-craziness. As of recently, I have found that my mind has often been wandering to thoughts of the future. I am still in denial towards the fact that I am almost done with my first semester of my junior year. I only have 3 more semesters here at IWU--crazy! I am having to constantly remind myself to not be so focused on the future that I neglect to recognize the joys of today. It's becoming increasingly more easy to try to plan out next semester, next summer, next year. Next, next, next. Who knows? Sigh. Some of the questions racing around my ...

It is currently 2:13 am, and I wish I were sleeping. Unfortunately, sleep is evading me as thoughts continue to race through my mind. Tonight my thoughts traveled back to September 5, 2007. The day of my father's funeral. It's strange--the memories seem so distant, but I can picture certain parts of that day as if it all happened yesterday. The one thing that was brought to my mind tonight was what happened on the way to my father's burial. Some of you may already know this story, but I am going to share it anyways. Maybe if I type out my thoughts, I will be able to find some sleep :) Also, please forgive me for any grammatical errors--at this time of day, I don't place grammar as a high priority. My dear friend, Kimberly, would support me in this stance, and I hope the rest of you will, too. haha. So...back to the story... My father's funeral service was held at my church, which is about 20-some miles from where the cemetery is. After the funeral service, we all lo...

Today, you are struggling with an addiction... but someday God will break the chains that have held you captive for so long. Today, you find your identity and worth in others' perceptions of who you are... but someday God's affection will be all you need and want. Today, you religiously count calories and hate the reflection you see in the mirror... but someday God's love will overcome. Today, you are grieving the sudden lost of a loved one... but someday He will wipe away every tear. Today, there is brokenness... but someday there will be healing. A common perception in the Church is that right now we must trudge through this life--just survive--until either (A): we die and walk through the gates of Heaven to see our Creator face to face, or (B): We are called home during Jesus' second coming. As we grudgingly walk through the hardships and messiness of life, we think to ourselves, someday this will all be over. Somehow we have convinced ourselves that all we hav...

I am breathing, the sun is shining, and the leaves are changing colors. Rain may be in the forecast, but... today is beautiful. In her book Cold Tangerines, Shauna Niequist challenges readers to embrace the beauty of their every day lives: "What God does in the tiny corners of our day-to-day lives is stunning and gorgeous and headline-making, but we have a bad habit of saving the headlines for the grotesque and scary." Unfortunately, it is quite easy to look at life through the lenses of disappointment, fear, hatred, worry, and brokenness. Those elements of life always attempt to push their way to the front of the line, but we are still left with a choice. In the moments that we are stuck in the rain without an umbrella, we have a choice--a choice that can make or break this gift of life that we have been given. We can either drown ourselves in the inconveniences of life, or we can rejoice in the reminders of God's faithfulness. So today I challenge you to bask in the be...

I have a confession to make: I am not perfect.

What girl doesn't want to be pursued? We grow up hearing bedtime stories and watching movies about various Prince Charmings who chase after and rescue their Princesses, most even risking their own well-being for the one they love. As we get older, we watch movies like the Notebook or [insert title of Matthew McConaughey movie here]--only hoping that we will someday have our own fairy tale love story. We all long for our Prince Charming to come along and sweep us off our feet... But what if we are so focused on finding our "true love" that we are completely blind toward the One who has been pursuing us all along ? God loves you. I know, you've heard it a million and a half times, but have you ever truly absorbed the meaning of that statement? Seriously...it's pretty crazy. The One who hung the sun, moon and stars in place loves us . Sayy whaaattttt?!?! I have grown up in the Church and have gone to a Christian school for the majority of my life, yet I still have ...

When my alarm clock went off at 7:30 this morning, I was less than pleased. In fact, I hit snooze, turned over, and pulled the covers over my head. I always have this silly thought that if I just bury myself beneath my covers my alarm will conveniently forget about me. I was thoroughly disappointed ten minutes later when I discovered this wasn't so. Barely coherent, I rolled out of bed and got ready for class. I struggled through my first two classes. Trying to comprehend statistics was an even bigger struggle. By the time that I figured out what I was doing, class was over. I needed coffee bad. Real bad. Mondays are always dreaded, right? I mean, no one likes to admit the fact that the weekend is over and they must now face whatever responsibilities that may lie ahead. Today quickly became a "blah" day for me. I even had a few friends ask me if it was "that time of month." I laughed it off, and said no. Honestly, I didn't know why...scratch that, I didn...

I am drained. Drained in every aspect of the word--physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I feel as if I have nothing left to offer. The sad part about this is that it is only the second week of classes... Last night after Summit I came back to North Hall and had a breakdown. I cried. Lots. You may be wondering why I was crying, and the answer to that is kind of silly. I won't mention the specific situation that led to this breakdown, but let's just say that I have been really struggling with what it looks like for me to be Becca--Becca the Christian, Becca the Student, Becca the Friend, Becca the RA. This past week especially I have just been feeling completely discouraged. I feel as though I am disappointing people, which I hate. Last night everything hit me at full force, and I shattered. But wait, here's the kicker...I prayed for this. Remember my post a few days ago in which I prayed for God to break America, and to start with me? Yeah.... So here I am . ...

Facebook status on my newsfeed today: "why do people stand on the corner asking for money? I think their teachers in school made comments on their grade cards 'does not use time wisely.'" My immediate reaction was anger, then it slowly faded into frustration, and now I am left heartbroken. When did we lose love and respect for our fellow brothers and sisters? Are those who are homeless and hungry and broken somehow not included in the command to "l ove one another?" Comments such as the one mentioned above, as well as pictures like the one I posted leave me literally sick to my stomach. Sometimes my heartache even brings me to the point of tears. I pray for those who are so quick to judge those who are standing on the street asking for money. I pray that their eyes may be opened--that they would develop empathy for those who are not as fortunate as they. I pray also for myself, that I may never turn from an opportunity to be the hands and feet of Christ, th...

Today marks the 10th anniversary of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks. My Facebook news feed has been filled with posts remembering and honoring the thousands of men and women who were lost that day. "God Bless America" is always a popular phrase on days like these, but I often wonder what would happen if we instead prayed, "God break America." What would that even look like? I strongly believe that true and heartfelt surrender begins with being completely broken and contrite in the presence of God--recognizing our sinful state, as well as God's omnipotence. Over the past few years, I have been slowly learning about brokenness before God. Am I where I need to be? Of course not, but I am striving toward a state of brokenness each and every day. Striving for brokenness? Yep! I am doing this because I know that God begins where we--our strength, patience, love, courage, endurance--end. Praying for brokenness takes major guts. Who knows what may result. Des...

Today, I am choosing to be thankful for: The days that I felt invisible... The nights that I cried myself to sleep... The friendships that I have lost... The prayers that remain unanswered... The opportunities that I have missed... The promises that have been broken... The expectations that were not met... The mistakes that have been made... The dreams that have been shattered... ...for each of these has brought me to where I am today. Here I sit, the night before my first day of classes as a junior in college, praising God for His constant faithfulness. If you were to tell me five years ago, scratch that, if you were to tell me ONE year ago that I would be where I am today, I would have laughed it off. Yet here I am. God is good. (Don't let the popularity of this statement diminish the Truth of this statement.)

Many of my closest friends will know that my heart aches in light of the current condition of the Church. My stomach churns as I look at all the hypocrisy, bitterness, judgement, and even fear that is beginning to define the Body of Christ in the eyes of many. How did we end up here? Yes, I recognize the existence of our sinful nature, but didn't Jesus Christ offer us freedom from that? Did He not call us OUT of darkness and INTO light? Don't tune me out here. I am no less guilty than the next person. I do not deserve to be called a Daughter of God, yet He Himself has named me such. It's illogical and I love it! :) One of the assignments that I was given in my New Testament class last semester was to write a short essay tackling the relationship between the Christian life and sin. The conclusion of my paper? Well, to put it simply, the Bible makes it clear that those who have surrendered their lives to God and have been made righteous through the death and resurrection of...

As of recently, my heart has been incredibly burdened. My mind has been constantly mulling over various statistics... 27 MILLION people are in modern day slavery. 161 COUNTRIES have been identified as affected by human trafficking. 1 in 8 AMERICANS struggles with hunger. Over 40 MILLION Americans are on food stamps. 1 REPORT of child abuse is made every ten seconds. 5 CHILDREN die every day as a result of child abuse. How do I even begin to respond to these horrifyingly overwhelming statistics? Honestly, reading about the atrocities that occur throughout the world, and even in my own "backyard," can be sometimes overwhelming, and can also leave me with feelings of hopelessness. There have been days and nights that I go before God begging Him to right all of these wrongs, and for Him to intercede in a powerful way. Child soldiers, sexual abuse, human trafficking--how am I ever going to have a lasting impact when faced with all of these horrible realities? I certainly know that...