instructions for a bad day.

Bad days. We all have them.

Watch this video.

5 minutes of your life well spent - trust me.

life, lemons, and agent orange.

My dad in Vietnam

On September 1, 2007 my father passed away from ischemic heart disease, which is a fancy way of saying his arteries were so blocked that blood couldn't travel back to his heart. It's been six years since his death, but the wound was ripped open last year when my mom and I found out his death was tied to his military service in Vietnam. It's not fair, I lamented, It's just not fair. 

Agent Orange, which was an herbicide used by the U.S. military in Vietnam, has been linked to the deaths of many veterans. The official list of health complications includes 14 different diseases, but ischemic heart disease didn't make the list until three years ago. 

The heart wrenching part of all of this is that several individuals have told my mother that the doctors knew Agent Orange was the cause -- they were simply told by the government to keep it under wraps. Awful. I'm not all about debating government conspiracy theories, but that was completely unjust for the hundreds, if not thousands, of families affected by this. 

My dad and I with Bonnie, the Butterscotch Beagle

My emotional response to all of this seems to be cycling from anger to disgust to sadness, then back to anger again. You never think these things will happen to you, and then all of a sudden you're seemingly drowning in life's "lemons." 

Where is Comfort in the midst of all this? He's here. Sometimes I try to ignore Him. Sometimes I yell at Him. Sometimes I blame Him. But He remains right here with me through it all. 

"The mountains may disappear, and the hills may come to an end, but my love will never disappear; my promise of peace will not come to an end," says the Lord who shows mercy to you." 

[Isaiah 54:10]

This is When the Feeling Sinks In

This year has been a time of adjustment. 

My home. My job. My friends. My church.

I've held on, and I've let go. 

I've stumbled, and I've grown.

With a few weeks separating me from 23, I continue to dream.

If only's, what if's, I hope's. . . 

They each follow their beaten paths in my mind. 

As I lie awake, I painfully realize that the old adage rings true.

It isn't until something is gone do you wish it to be yours.