the beauty of today.

I am breathing, the sun is shining, and the leaves are changing colors.

Rain may be in the forecast, but...today is beautiful.

In her book Cold Tangerines, Shauna Niequist challenges readers to embrace the beauty of their every day lives:

"What God does in the tiny corners of our day-to-day lives is stunning and gorgeous and headline-making, but we have a bad habit of saving the headlines for the grotesque and scary."

Unfortunately, it is quite easy to look at life through the lenses of disappointment, fear, hatred, worry, and brokenness. Those elements of life always attempt to push their way to the front of the line, but we are still left with a choice. In the moments that we are stuck in the rain without an umbrella, we have a choice--a choice that can make or break this gift of life that we have been given. We can either drown ourselves in the inconveniences of life, or we can rejoice in the reminders of God's faithfulness.

So today I challenge you to bask in the beauty of today. It will change your life. I promise.

old news.

I have a confession to make:

I am not perfect.

pursued.

What girl doesn't want to be pursued?

We grow up hearing bedtime stories and watching movies about various Prince Charmings who chase after and rescue their Princesses, most even risking their own well-being for the one they love. As we get older, we watch movies like the Notebook or [insert title of Matthew McConaughey movie here]--only hoping that we will someday have our own fairy tale love story. We all long for our Prince Charming to come along and sweep us off our feet...

But what if we are so focused on finding our "true love" that we are completely blind toward the One who has been pursuing us all along?

God loves you. I know, you've heard it a million and a half times, but have you ever truly absorbed the meaning of that statement? Seriously...it's pretty crazy. The One who hung the sun, moon and stars in place loves us. Sayy whaaattttt?!?!

I have grown up in the Church and have gone to a Christian school for the majority of my life, yet I still have stop and remind myself that God loves me and desires an intimate relationship with me. Even more than that, because of His love for me, He took all of my sin--past and future--upon Himself and drank the wrath that I deserved. He was willing to do whatever it cost to restore my relationship with Him. Talk about a beautiful love story!

Unfortunately, it is so easy to let the noise of this world muffle out the love song our Creator has been singing to us our whole life. This semester I am challenging myself to hear and respond to His love song. This may mean that I give up some time normally spent on Facebook, or I may choose to go on a walk with God instead of with a friend. Who knows...but I double dog dare you to join me :)

puddle jumping.

When my alarm clock went off at 7:30 this morning, I was less than pleased. In fact, I hit snooze, turned over, and pulled the covers over my head. I always have this silly thought that if I just bury myself beneath my covers my alarm will conveniently forget about me. I was thoroughly disappointed ten minutes later when I discovered this wasn't so.

Barely coherent, I rolled out of bed and got ready for class. I struggled through my first two classes. Trying to comprehend statistics was an even bigger struggle. By the time that I figured out what I was doing, class was over. I needed coffee bad. Real bad.

Mondays are always dreaded, right? I mean, no one likes to admit the fact that the weekend is over and they must now face whatever responsibilities that may lie ahead. Today quickly became a "blah" day for me. I even had a few friends ask me if it was "that time of month." I laughed it off, and said no. Honestly, I didn't know why...scratch that, I didn't even know WHAT I was feeling. I just knew that I didn't want to go to class.

Then it began to rain. Lots.

As I ran from my class in the Rec to Elder, I couldn't help but smile. I was so unprepared for the rain, let alone a downpour. Everyone was huddled under umbrellas...except for me. I was soaked.

Sitting through the next hour of class with soaking wet jeans, socks, shoes, and hair wasn't the greatest, but I couldn't stop smiling. I felt like a little kid, anxious to go puddle jumping after school. At the end of the class period, my professor handed out a quiz. I zoomed through it as fast as I could. I would periodically look out the window, making sure that it was still raining. As soon as I finished the quiz, I ran down the three flights of stairs, took off my shoes and socks, and jumped in every puddle between Elder and North Hall. Sure, I got a few strange looks, but it was so much fun! I even took the long way back :)

Moral of the story: "Life is full of beauty. Notice it." [Ashley Smith]

Broken

I am drained. Drained in every aspect of the word--physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

I feel as if I have nothing left to offer.

The sad part about this is that it is only the second week of classes...

Last night after Summit I came back to North Hall and had a breakdown. I cried. Lots.

You may be wondering why I was crying, and the answer to that is kind of silly. I won't mention the specific situation that led to this breakdown, but let's just say that I have been really struggling with what it looks like for me to be Becca--Becca the Christian, Becca the Student, Becca the Friend, Becca the RA. This past week especially I have just been feeling completely discouraged. I feel as though I am disappointing people, which I hate. Last night everything hit me at full force, and I shattered.

But wait, here's the kicker...I prayed for this.

Remember my post a few days ago in which I prayed for God to break America, and to start with me? Yeah....

So here I am. Broken.

Ignorance is Bliss?

Facebook status on my newsfeed today: "why do people stand on the corner asking for money? I think their teachers in school made comments on their grade cards 'does not use time wisely.'"

My immediate reaction was anger, then it slowly faded into frustration, and now I am left heartbroken.

When did we lose love and respect for our fellow brothers and sisters?

Are those who are homeless and hungry and broken somehow not included in the command to "love one another?"

Comments such as the one mentioned above, as well as pictures like the one I posted leave me literally sick to my stomach. Sometimes my heartache even brings me to the point of tears. I pray for those who are so quick to judge those who are standing on the street asking for money. I pray that their eyes may be opened--that they would develop empathy for those who are not as fortunate as they. I pray also for myself, that I may never turn from an opportunity to be the hands and feet of Christ, that I may never hesitate to be love to those who have been labeled "unloveable." Before calling the homeless "lazy," "stupid," "bums," or "irresponsible," listen to their story. I know that you have probably heard this a million times, but they are people, too. They are someone's mother, father, daughter, son, brother, or sister. You have no idea what brought them to this place in their life unless you take the time to listen.

You are no better than they. They are made in the image of Christ, too. Never forget that.

Don't get me wrong, I am not telling you that every time you see someone begging for money you MUST give them money. I am just suggesting that instead of looking down at the sidewalk as you walk past them...make eye contact, smile, say hello, introduce yourself, LOVE THEM.

God Break America

Today marks the 10th anniversary of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks.

My Facebook news feed has been filled with posts remembering and honoring the thousands of men and women who were lost that day. "God Bless America" is always a popular phrase on days like these, but I often wonder what would happen if we instead prayed, "God break America."

What would that even look like?

I strongly believe that true and heartfelt surrender begins with being completely broken and contrite in the presence of God--recognizing our sinful state, as well as God's omnipotence. Over the past few years, I have been slowly learning about brokenness before God. Am I where I need to be? Of course not, but I am striving toward a state of brokenness each and every day. Striving for brokenness? Yep! I am doing this because I know that God begins where we--our strength, patience, love, courage, endurance--end.

Praying for brokenness takes major guts. Who knows what may result.

Despite the unknown, this is my prayer: God, break America, but start with me.

What Brought Me Here

Today, I am choosing to be thankful for:

The days that I felt invisible...

The nights that I cried myself to sleep...

The friendships that I have lost...

The prayers that remain unanswered...

The opportunities that I have missed...

The promises that have been broken...

The expectations that were not met...

The mistakes that have been made...

The dreams that have been shattered...

...for each of these has brought me to where I am today.

Here I sit, the night before my first day of classes as a junior in college, praising God for His constant faithfulness. If you were to tell me five years ago, scratch that, if you were to tell me ONE year ago that I would be where I am today, I would have laughed it off. Yet here I am.

God is good. (Don't let the popularity of this statement diminish the Truth of this statement.)